Credit Card Debt

Big news!  Exciting news (well, to us! Ha!)!

Yesterday, Michael and I made our LAST and FINAL payment that completely paid off ALL of our credit card debt!!!

I mean, that alone is a huge thing, but when I think about our current situation and how far we've come... It kind of blows my mind.

I don't know if you remember, but late last Fall, Mike lost his job.  It was devastating on so many levels, and one of those levels was that we had really just started making headway on paying down our credit card debt.

Which, by the way, was not our "norm."

I guess you have to go back several years, to our separation.  Those months crushed us emotionally, mentally, and financially.  Through an enormous amount of grace, we rebounded, rebuilt, and recovered... emotionally and mentally, that is.  The financial part was a little trickier.

We had never had debt before our separation.  Never.  In fact, when we bought our home in our early 20s, lenders told us we actually had to open more lines of credit because neither of us preferred that mode of payment and had always shied away from it.

But, when you compound attorney fees, separate lives, and then a reunification... The debt mounted.

And for quite a while, we let it build.  We were just so thankful to be together and our focus was solely on our family.  When you're on the brink of losing the life you loved, the financial side just didn't hold as much importance to either of us.

So we lived our life and praised God for the blessings that neither Mike nor myself could have ever imagined.  And once we found such a beautiful peace in that, we started talking about paying down our debt.  Which we started to tackle.

And then, in the blink of an eye, we were unemployed.  Our healthy savings had been completely deflated by the separation and we were in a position that had us both terrified.

I remember telling close friends, through tears, what this would mean for our finances.  I did not grow up in a home of debt.  Mike and I are both savers and "big picture" people.  How in the world could we  stay afloat??

My answer: I'm still not sure.

I think, okay I know, that the glory is all God's.

Because still, to this day, Mike does not have his teaching job.  I have no regular income.

But God has met us in every point of our need and in fact, He knows our need so much better and so much sooner than we could ever imagine.

I mean, the blessings that have been bestowed upon us are truly awe-inspiring.  A non-profit organization picked up our mortgage payment for nine months, allowing us to roll over what we would've put toward that payment and onto our credit cards.

Seriously, that still blows my mind.

We would hit points where I just knew we'd have to charge something.  A broken tooth and no dental insurance?  Amazing friends stepped up and gifted us the exact amount of money needed to cover the cost.  Back to school clothes for Maddie or diapers for Grayson?  My parents and mother-in-law have graciously opened their hearts to us and lifted us up to support all four of us.

We have worked hard, too.  You know the furniture refinishing we do on the side?  That money went to the credit cards.  Anything I earn from Time for Tots?  Straight to the credit cards.  Nothing was predictable but when it came, we immediately paid extra on our cards.

And we cut back.  Way back.  My couponing went from "fun" to practically a side job.  As we drastically slashed grocery bills, our new norm became eating at home.  A lot.  Trips to Target were paid for in cash and there was no fluff to be bought.  Mike called around and got everything from internet to electric to gas reduced.  Just by asking.

In November 2011, we were facing about $17,000 in debt on two different cards.

And now, in August of 2012, we can say...

We have NO CREDIT CARD DEBT!

Of course, we are still on our journey.  Both Mike and I have our Masters degrees, which carry student loans that we need to pay off completely.  We are a one car family so eventually, we'll need to buy a second car (though we definitely intend to buy used and pay CASH, as we haven't had any car payments in years).

But we know that we can do it.  There is great joy in working toward a goal together and even greater joy once it's been accomplished.

So we're keeping our eyes on tackling student loan debt, celebrating the success of defeating the credit card debt, and praising God for these unbelievable blessings!!

EDITED TO ADD:  In response to some comments and emails I've received, no, we have not followed Dave Ramsey in that we have yet to read any of his books (though we'd like to and now have one!).  We basically used the principal idea of, "Let's get this gone."  Haha.  Our goal we kept envisioning was life before debt, which was the majority of our relationship anyway.  We were ALWAYS on the same page; I'm incredibly thankful to have Mike as a partner!!

Want to read another amazing story of financial freedom from one of my closest friends and biggest cheerleaders?  Check out Rachel's journey HERE!

Just Believe

This isn't as much about Beth Moore last night as it is about just believing God.

Through a series of unfortunate events late last year, Mike lost his job.  The teaching job that he'd held for nine years.  The teaching job that primarily supported our family, kept us insured, and kept us feeling secure.

There's so much to the story, but the bottom line is that we found ourselves in a new position: unemployed.

And of course, it was hard to keep the panic from creeping in.  We have a mortgage, bills, and two small children.  We weren't in a good place.

But, the most amazing thing happened, and while I can't speak for Mike, I can speak for what I did.  I chose, and continue to choose, to believe God.

This story doesn't have an ending with a neatly wrapped-up solution.  We're still living it.

But, I remember the day that ultimately, I chose to just hand this all over to God and just believe.  I believe He has a good plan for our family and I will walk in that faith.  I was sitting alone in my car that day, in our driveway, and I just sobbed.  I kinda threw a little pity party for myself.  I thought that surely, we'd been through enough as a couple and as a family.  This felt a little bit like salt in a wound that tends to crack open when I'm sad.

But I chose then (I think I said it out loud) that I will just have faith.  Faith in His timing, faith in His plan, and just faith in Him.

I'm not saying that that makes everything perfect but my goodness, it makes things easier.  I'm so thankful for that.

And let me tell you, the outpouring of love we've received from family and friends has been humbling, to say the least.  Seriously, the blessings that have been showered upon us continue to take my breath away.

A month or so ago, when I was again feeling a little whiny, I knew I needed to change my perspective.  I grabbed some chalk (or a chalk pen if we're being specific; those things are so cool!) and wrote down the first blessing that came to my mind: More time with family.

It's so true.  We've drawn closer to one another, be it through picnic dinners on the floor to baking together to going on bike rides.

And almost everyday, I add something new.  The board is getting full.  Even Maddie is in on the action now, telling me things or people that blessed her during her day.  The blessings are abundant and wonderful and really, I can't think of a time I've been happier.

So what's the point?  Have faith.  I don't know how this whole thing will turn out but I have absolute, unwavering faith that we are safe, right where we are.

How cool that throughout all this, I'm doing a Bible study called Believing God.  :)

Prayer Request

I'm a huge fan of worship music.  I love it.  We fill our car with it, our home with it, and I really believe that it speaks to me as much as time in church or time in Bible study.  One of my very favorite songs is Mercy Me's Bring the Rain.  I listened to it thousands (literally) of times throughout our separation and then a thousand times more through our reconciliation and restoration.  My very favorite part is:

And I know there'll be days,
When this life brings me pain
But if that's what it takes to praise You,
Jesus, bring the rain.

There's big changes coming in our household.  They're not the kind we planned for, expected, and certainly not what either of us wanted.  The rain has started to come down and while I know we can weather this storm, I'm tempted to let myself spiral out in sadness and anger.

But just as quickly as I start to feel helpless, I'm reminded that we so are not alone.  As we were driving home from church last night, Bring the Rain came on the radio, which is pretty rare around here.  I know that I was meant to hear that song last night; that I needed to hear those words fresh and new (and just as amazing, Grayson stopped crying as soon as it came on, falling asleep halfway through it).

No matter what happens, God is still the same faithful, loving God.  I have to continue to seek ways to praise Him.  No matter what.

And while I can't really speak about these big changes (yet, at least), I do have a request of you, reading this blog right now.  Could you, if you think of it, keep our family in your prayers or thoughts?  It's nothing about our marriage or our health (praise God for both of those!), but it's still pretty huge on the list of things for Jill to worry about.  Ha!  I know the power of prayer.  My marriage is a testament of it.  Our sweet baby boy is a living testament of it.  And I pray that this situation on our plates right now will be a testament of it, too.

Two Years

This is a hard post to write (and maybe to read) but it's been on my heart, and who knows... maybe it'll help someone. Maybe it'll just help me. :)

Mike and I are approaching the two year mark of where our lives turned from one of the darkest places to one of forgiveness and rebuilding. In fact, that actual date is Grayson's due date. While that tends to give me the chills, I know it's all part of God's plan.

It's almost surreal to look back on these two years, seeing all that's happened, how we've grown, how much we've learned and how He has so faithfully knit our family together again. We were led to an amazing church, where we've been surrounded with individuals that have truly enriched our lives. As we develop these precious friendships, our story always comes up and I'm always eager to share. I never want our history to become forgotten, as painful as it is, because it's also such a beautiful one.

Because truly, on paper, we should not have made it. There was so much hurt, so much damage and so much that seemed totally and completely irreparable.

But, we did and it's completely a testament of God's glory. I've never meant anything more.

Every time I hear the song, Blessed Be Your Name, I think of my marriage and my relationship with God. Every blessing you pour out, I'll turn back to praise. When the darkness closes in, still I will say blessed be Your name.

I remember, during our separation, reading the scripture: Be thankful in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you who belong to Christ Jesus. At the time, it was so hard to be thankful for the pain and the loss. I wanted my old life back. I wanted everything as it had been.

And now, I can't even imagine that old life. And to say what I've never said...

I'm thankful for all that happened.

I'm thankful for how it changed me, how it changed Mike and especially how it taught me sacrifice and surrender like I'd never before known. I went from a relationship with God that was based on Bible stories to a relationship where I was seeking Him, where I was pursuing Him. One where I wasn't just saying rote prayers, but beseeching Him and truly getting to know Him.

So all of this is to say that if you're a tough place right now, please don't give up. It's my prayer that God will use me to minister to those in circumstances similar to mine, no matter what capacity that is. We serve an awesome God and I pray that you seek Him. He hears our prayers, just as my family is a testimony to that.

Not a single day passes that I don't thank Him for my marriage, my husband, and my children.

I once dreaded the month of May. I thought it would always bring dread, as it was when our divorce was to be final. But now, I truly look upon it as a time of rejoicing, and how incredibly special that it's also when we'll get to meet our little Grayson.

Babymoon!

This past weekend, Mike and I got away for a little vacation and it was SO amazing! It was just the two of us (well, plus Grayson, who made himself well-known with kicks, hiccups and the occassional contraction) and we had a great time. Our hotel room overlooked the bay in one of our favorite spots and we even got to watch two weddings, right from our balcony! We took long naps, shopped (I have the best husband; he bought me a shirt, Maddie a dress and even surprised me by getting Grayson an outfit!) and ate. We had an Uno tournament (we're geeky) and he might have won. :) He woke up early (early as in 8:30; ha!) Sunday morning and ran all around the island while I laid in bed and read magazine after magazine. :) Maddie was blessed to spend a ton of time with her grandparents. My parents took her to the nature center (actually, it was a Maddie and Poppa date!), to the beach, and to the horse stables so she could ride the ponies. Mike's mom brought over the movie Tangled and then took her to church in the morning. She was a very lucky girl! I remember that the last time Mike and I went away, I was in such a sad place, as we had suffered another miscarriage. It's just amazing that this time, I'm only a month away from giving birth. God is so good and we're just so, so excited for what the future holds!

Heard

I know that I've mentioned several times that I have "a lot on my mind," but I've never really extrapolated (ohhh, fancy word!) on that. I still don't know if I'm totally ready to do so, but I'm compelled to write tonight.

I don't know how it'll come out. We'll see.

Well, that should be reason enough to continue reading, huh? Who knows what I'll say!

But really, I've been thinking how there have been moments in my life where I've been unbearably tired. That bone-weariness kind of tired. Not a sense of wanting to totally give up, but more of an exhaustion type of tired that constantly brought me to tears or sighs or sobs. For those that have been reading here for a while, you got to experience many of those moments throughout the separation we went through last year.

Very hard. Very tired.

And, while I wasn't blogging during the days of struggling with an eating disorder (and yes, I'm putting it out there because it is so nothing to be ashamed of; another topic, another post though, huh? Ha!), that too was a tiring experience.

As each big life experience tallies up, I have to say that the freshest and deepest wound is losing our little one last year.

Our marriage? By God's grace, it was restored and we prayerfully praise it daily.

My health? A battle never too far from my mind, but still an on-going recovery to celebrate.

Our child? That one hurts.

God has so blessed us with amazing friends; people that have sheltered us and loved us and supported us through these tricky times. Just last week, I was thinking of the friendships that He has so delicately created for Mike and me and I broke down crying (so if I tell you that an email or a call or text "meant the world to me," I'm not lying).

But still. It's been a hard run.

I'm in the process of having some tests run, so Maddie and I found ourselves in the doctor's office today. I'd brought a new "beauty set" to occupy her (in all honesty, I bought it for her Easter basket, squirreled it away and found it two weeks after Easter; Ha!) and she was fiddling with the curling iron (because amazingly, she'd never seen a curling iron and thought it was insanely cool).

A very pregnant woman came in, signed the clipboard and started chatting with the receptionist. The receptionist commented on how the lady was "really getting close!" and the lady responded that yes, they'd scheduled her c-section for May 7th.

May 7th.

That was our original due date.

I didn't want to cry. Not in the office, not in front of Maddie. Not in front of this happy stranger (who later turned around to tell me how blessed I was to have Maddie. Very true.).

But, Maddie looked up, glanced at the lady, looked back at me and said, "She's got a baby in her belly. We should keep praying for one for you too, Mama."

That made me cry.

Point of my story, point of my story...

The news we got today wasn't terrible, but it certainly wasn't great. I left feeling defeated and tired.

We got in the car and the radio popped on (though Maddie was persistently asking if we could listen to Veggie Tales; Chick-fil-a is giving away Veggie Tale CDs in the kids' meals, which I think is super neat!).

Anyway (Mom, I know. This is long. Almost done. Mike should hide the laptop from me at night.).

The song that immediately came on (almost at the very beginning, too) was Jeremy Camp's, Walk by Faith. If my life could have a theme song, someone let me choose this one, okay? :)

I wore this CD to the ground around this time last year, but because I equate it so much with hard times, I'd kind of tucked it back in it's sleeve and filed it away.

But today, it wanted to be heard.

Because, not only did it come on after the doctor's appointment, it came on again (almost the exact same spot, too; I totally had goosebumps) after I tutored this afternoon.

And so, I listened. I listened and I cried and I asked Him for the strength I need to keep walking (thank you Mike for taking Maddie to the park today; this song, a solo trip to Home Goods and dinner at Chipotle did a world of good).

I'm trying to walk by faith. I'm smiling and I'm praying. I'm grateful and thankful and I can honestly and entirely say that I am happy.

Tired, but still very happy.

So, a.) thank you for reading and sharing this slice of my life and b.) thanks for keeping us in your thoughts. I'm going to go chalk 2 Corinthians 5:7 (5:7, our due date, a detail not lost on me but even more meaningful, huh?) all over the house.

Yeah, chalk it. Have you ever experimented with chalkboard paint? Terribly fun and terribly addicting. :)

Getting Away

Last weekend, Mike and I had the chance to steal away for a few days to paradise. There was no internet, no ringing phones and no tantrums (we love that girl but she was in the very capable hands of grandparents!).

And seriously, the trip couldn't have been timed any better. I really needed to get away and spending time with my best bud was perfect. Mike knows me better than anyone in the world and I think he just knew that I needed some time.

Our hotel room opened up to the ocean. When he went for a run one morning, I took my book out to the patio and sat and read. It was totally and completely relaxing.

Us.

We rode bikes around the island, which was one of my favorite things. Another favorite thing is when Mike is in control of the camera. Ha!

Along with the absolutely beautiful weather, we enjoyed margaritas and Mexican food. I think I could happily eat Mexican food everyday and never tire of it.

It was just a perfect trip. We shopped, caught a movie, ate pizza on our balcony and tried to sleep in (but, I guess once you have a child, your internal alarm clock is permanently reset to wake up at exactly 7:15 every morning?!).

I definitely feel refreshed and energized and happy.

Looking for sunny days...

I've been sparse on the blog lately and even sparser (a real word or not?) on other blogs, as far as commenting and emailing goes. I am reading but I've been trying to limit my time a tad. I'm not sure how well I'm doing, but I have cut back (a little). It's also been incredibly warm (hence the swimming shots from today) and we've been enjoying our outdoor time.

But admittedly, I've also been experiencing a stressful spell lately. When I'm stressed, I either go into full-time blogging as a way to stay busy, or as of late, pulled back entirely.

Anyway, there have been so many things going on, from Maddie's skin problems to Michael's job and everything in between.

Some of my worries have been resolved and prayers were abundantly answered. We have absolutely been on pins and needles about Mike's job. He's a teacher with seven contracted years, but his district is laying off people with far more experience. Praise God that Mike has three additional credentials (one of which I actually discouraged him to get because of time and money; So much for that! Ha!). And so, his job has been confirmed safe and God is even leading him in a totally new direction for next school year. It's exciting and terrifying, all at the same time!

As for Miss Maddie... We just can't figure out, or solve, her skin issues. When I say we've tried everything, I mean it. She has a whole team of dermatologists and each one of them have given us a new treatment or plan to try. Nothing is working and it's very difficult, but more so for Maddie than anyone else. Her body is covered in red itchy welts and all we've been able to do is manage it, not cure it.

And then, there's me. We're rapidly approaching the month of May, which brings the due date of our lost little one. I've been deep in prayer that I'll be strengthened through these next couple of months. Just last week, four sweet friends welcomed new babies, with more due just around the corner. My heart is so full of love and excitement for them, but at the same time, I often catch my heart in my throat. I am constantly reminding myself that we are to walk by faith, and not by sight...

So, bear with me through my sporadic posting and even more sporadic emails and comments. Because even with all the heaviness, there is also great joy. Yesterday we celebrated five years of owning our home (and I do like to toot our own horn when I realize that we bought at just 24 years old!). That's pretty cool, considering all that we've been through, and we're growing stronger everyday.

And then, there's this little bugger that just melts my heart... Looking forward to all that summer has to bring!

{To Be Held}

Those of you that know me (or that read this blog, so basically... everyone) is aware of how ready I am, and have been, to wrap this year up. I feel like I've gotten through these last few weeks by hitting my chin to my chest and just forging ahead, praying for a bright 2010 (by the way, there's a debate: Do you, or will you, say "Two thousand ten" or "Twenty ten"? Just wondering).

Anyway, it's been a rough year. It's been rough for us over here, but I know that it's also been rough for a lot of our friends and family members, too (maybe for some of the same reasons, maybe for different reasons). I can't totally remember where I heard this song, but I heard it recently and it immediately touched me. I'm hoping that maybe it'll speak to you, too. Do you ever hear a song, one where you might not even catch all the lyrics the first time, but something about it just speaks to you? For me, this was one of those songs.

The song is by Natalie Grant and is called "Held." It's on i-Tunes and it's definitely worth listening to (Okay, I've got it playing here on the blog but I realize it's terrible quality; I'm sure Mike will hear it and fiddle with it until it sounds better! Ha!). Anyway, I've listened to it over and over again now.

It's a song about being held, even when the world seems to be crashing around you, and how He is always holding you (but now wait, even if you're not religious, don't let me lose you because the message is one of great passion and hope). After poking around the internet for a while, I came to find out that it was actually written by Natalie Grant's neighbor, after having lost her infant son in his sleep. It's about the promise we live by and how it's often that promise that carries us through the storms.

I guess it just hits me on so many levels, but the chorus is what instantly touched me:

This is what it means to be held

How it feels, when the sacred is torn from your life

And you survive.

This is what it means to be loved and to know

That the promise was that when everything fell

We'd be held.

I do feel like many of life's sacred things were torn from life this year. Sacred vows teetered uneasily, so dangerously prepared to break. A strong, sweet heartbeat, so loved and adored, suddenly stopped beating, without any notice. At many points throughout the year, I felt like things were just... falling.

And yet, we survived. I survived.

I wrote a few posts back about my journey of learning that things don't always go the way we want. But really, this song says it so much more eloquently (not surprising!). God's promise is not that we'll get everything we pray for. He doesn't promise that we'll live a life free of heartache and sorrow. There will be pain and there will be struggles. The sacred could be torn from your life.

But what He does promise is that He'll hold us through those times. When I look back on my year, the most overwhelming feeling I have (and I know I wrote about it) was that I was never alone.

I was held.

Again and again, time after time, I was held. Through each and every situation that broke my heart, I was held. But it was through those times of sheer grief and brokenness that I truly felt held and I truly felt safe.

And so here's what I pray and hope for, for you and me and friends and family. I pray that no matter what this new year brings (or any new year, for that matter), that we're held. Good things will happen to good people and bad things will happen to good people. I pray, of course, that this new year is filled with good things. I am utterly brought to my knees when I think of the good things that did come from this year and I hope that 2010 (however you want to say it) will bring even more.

I don't think I said any of this all that eloquently (I should hire a song-writer, huh? Just listen to the song from start to finish.) but here's what I mean: Happy, happy new year and may you be blessed with the feeling, and the knowledge, that you are always being held.

Bring it on 2010!

{Merry Christmas}

Well, the munchkin is sweetly sleeping in bed, the house is picked up, space has been made for new toys and the dishes are, relatively, all washed and put away. Christmas is drawing to a close and I feel like, for the first time in days, I can finally breathe.

It's been a wonderful, busy and memorable Christmas. We've read and crafted and baked our way through. We've looked at countless Christmas lights and seen countless Santas. It's been good.

However, it's also been incredibly difficult and to be honest, I've been struggling lately. A few days ago, I was so emotional and really having a hard time with... everything. It hit me like a ton of bricks that on that day, I would've had our twenty week ultrasound. And that, well, it made me so indescribably sad.

I remember when my mom asked me if I'd host Christmas this year. I agreed and she said she'd help, since I'd be getting big and pregnant. I was so excited. We were so excited.

I think the hurt all just piled up this week.

And, I can't help but remember where we were last year. I remember pictures without Michael and church without Michael and a Christmas morning without Michael, too. I remember crying my way throughout Christmas day and I remember coming home and tucking Maddie in, all by myself. It was this time last year that I felt my life spiraling out of any sense of control I once felt and lately, I've been struggling to not relive those feelings once again.

It's been a difficult place for me (so difficult that I've neglected to blog about our final Advent activities, holiday play dates and last Christmas crafts; I just haven't had the energy but hope to catch up at some point).

Anyway, this holiday was so, so much better and for that, I am indescribably happy. I know that for some, family pictures on Christmas morning are just a routine obligation. For me though, these pictures are utterly priceless.

I'm not going to lie. I'm still having a hard time. Memories can be beautiful and treasured, but they can also be hard. I've loved this Christmas season, and yet a big part of me is very ready to move on to whatever the new year has to hold.

I thank God for the blessings He has bestowed upon us. I'm thankful for my faith, my family and my friends. I know that it's been a rough year for many of us, and I'm thankful for the true, strong friends that have supported me, unfailing, along the way. What a journey it's been, and what a journey it continues to be, right?

And, I've learned so much in a year's time. I've learned (and don't laugh at this!) that you don't always get your way. Things don't always turn out in perfect packages and sometimes, it seems like prayers go unanswered. Thankfully, I've also learned that prayers never go unheard and usually, my way isn't the best way. I've relaxed (I have!), let go and let God.
And, I continue to learn and grow.

Thank God I can do that with my best friend at my side.

From all of us, Maddie, Michael and me, merry Christmas.

Because good things happen all the time...

Like always, December has proven to be a busy month. Busy in a good way, but still busy. I'm feeling very thankful for this season of blessings and I've enjoyed every moment.

Maddie is in love with Santa, which is a drastic change from last year. She gets so excited to see him, and especially to let him know that she'd really like a baby doll and a jewelry box.

On this evening, we were just out and about. We took this picture and then found out that Santa was on his way in, which excited our girl to no end.

I'm actually a little nervous for the Christmas season to be over; from Advent activities to holiday baking to Christmas lights, Maddie adores it all and will, probably, miss it all a ton, too.

We got to celebrate our sweet friend, Kylie's, third birthday with her. The bouncer was the best (made even better because Daddy bounced, too!) but I loved seeing Kylie's eight day old sister, Ashlyn, too!

We took Aunt Annie and Aunt Megan Christmas tree shopping...

And then, came home and decorated it!

We've been blessed with good friends to spend evenings with and good grandparents to watch our girl while we spend evenings out.

Maddie's gotten to give out the first round of her homemade gifts. They were all well-received and thankfully, she was totally fine with seeing them go (she gets quite attached to her creations!).

Isn't this picture a crack up?! We hosted our friend Kayla's second birthday party last week and it was a blast! This picture doesn't even show the whole group (I think there were two kiddos missing from the shot).

It was so great to have everyone together from our mom's group. A few months ago, some friends left the group and I hope they know how much they're all missed! What an awesome group of buddies we had over!

Ohhhh, this was fun; fun, in a rainy-wet-tiring type of way. Ha! This was our second experience with Mouse Planet, a scavenger hunt game that takes you through Disneyland. It's filled with trivia and puzzles and quests (totally not up my alley, but definitely up Mike's and my sisters').

It turns out that it fell on a day that was, literally, drenched in rain the entire eight hours. But, we still had a great time (we didn't score so well, but whatever!) and I'm sure we'll all remember it. :)

Oh, and no... Maddie didn't join us for this! Grandma treated her to a movie and shopping day!

And see, the rain didn't even slow him down! Notice how wet his sweatshirt is?! He had a jacket, too. In fact, I think I was, personally, wearing six layers. Ha!

And so, it's been a great month so far. I think of where we were this time last year and I praise Him for all the blessings and restoration that's been done in our lives.

As for right now, I'm off to hunt down a missing glass slipper (aka: a tiny Barbie-size shoe that Maddie's doll is missing; How I hate these tiny pieces!). Maddie has also reminded me that, "Oh rats, Mama! We didn't do the Aaaahh-vent calendar today!" :)

Massive Catch-Up!

My goodness. Almost a week in between blog entries?! I think I set a personal record with that! The truth is that we've just been, not busy, but occupied. I've started turning the television off in the mornings and doing lots of activities, crafts and games with Maddie. She loves it, even though that seriously cuts out my morning computer time. :) We've also had lots of play dates with good friends and of course, tutoring, ballet and gymnastics keep us busy, too.

We went to the park with some friends last week. Owen and Maddie loved these swings (which yes, I know, they are for handicapped children; there were no handicapped children waiting to use them so these two lived it up).

We also celebrated my 28th birthday! Because we're annual pass holders at Disneyland, when I went on my birthday, I got a gift card for $72! I can't WAIT to do Maddie's Christmas shopping there!

Maddie and Mike rode the teacups for the first time. She was a huge fan. :)

And, as much as she loves the Tinkerbell movie, she wasn't that enthusiastic about meeting Tinkerbell.

And of course, ballet is still the favorite thing over here. Seriously, I've never seen her enjoy something as much as she does ballet. Yesterday, Nana, Poppa, Daddy, Annie and Megan came to watch her and I think we all grinned like goofballs the entire class!

Learning the positions is hard work! I can't wait for Grandma to come watch her next week!

And Mike and I are doing great. We feel so abundantly blessed and I try to not take one day for granted. I have never felt God's hand so strongly in my life and I'm incredibly thankful for where we are today, all that we have overcome and all that we continue to accomplish. Thanks for all of you who continue to keep us in your thoughts and prayers.

So, there's our catch up! I'll get back into the swing of blogging again; I miss reading friends' blogs way too much!!

Thankful... Friday?

You know what's been making me so happy lately? This has been making me so happy; a restored marriage and the answer to so many prayers. And, the gift of being able to stay home with Maddie is such... a gift. I don't think I've ever appreciated my job as a stay-at-home mom more than I do now. For months, I feared, dreaded, and cried about going back to the classroom, and now I can totally and completely embrace what my roll is. For every fit that Maddie throws (and trust me, there are a few!), she makes me laugh ten times over, throwing her arms around my neck and telling me that she loves me (or as she did today, saying, "You're no bad guy! You're my mama!").

I'm blessed to have students to tutor and an amazing Nana (and Poppa and aunts) that is always willing to watch Maddie for me. I'm thankful for a fabulous Grandma who immediately opens her schedule to take Maddie for the night, so that Mike and I can eat a meal without sippy cups, accidents and tantrums. I'm lucky to have a brother who loves Maddie so much; I'm absolutely positive he loves her more than any of the rest of us combined. :)

But yeah, I'm just feeling thankful and there's so much to be thankful for. If this heat would go away, and Maddie could wear the new fall wardrobe that's waiting for her, I'd be completely elated. Ha!

Have a great, long (hot) weekend.

A {New} Anniversary

Yesterday marked our {new} celebratory anniversary of renewed commitment to one another. It's been three months of being back together and I've wanted to post something to remember this time in our lives. I've had a hard time putting it in words, all my feelings and emotions and hopes, but listening to I Still Believe recently brought such a flood of thoughts.

Throughout the course of our separation, I constantly listened to this song. I mean, constantly. People would be talking about new songs on the radio and I never had any idea what they were talking about because I was permanently attached to Jeremy Camp. Shoot, I even had a CD player by my bed that played his Stay disc on repeat throughout many a night.

Anyway. Gosh, I have such a hard time staying on point.

So. This song came on yesterday and I actually pulled the car over. I listened so carefully to the lyrics and just let myself go back to where I was six, seven or eight months ago. It's hard to go back there; it hurts. But, I did yesterday and it made me think about all the amazing family members and friends that carried us through those six long months. Know that you will always be so very, very special to me. Always.

And then, I thought about how far we, Mike and I, have come. We've come a long way. I thought about how I never, ever stopped loving him. And, now I know that he did the same with me, even if our actions were a little different. I thought of how he'd always reveal just enough about himself, his old self, to keep me going, keep me praying and hoping and moving. I remembered the times we'd meet up for lunch and how being with him always felt like coming home, no matter what was going on.

And I thought about this blog, and how it became a lifeline for me, a place that was always waiting for me. I've gone back and re-read several of those "separation-era" posts and as hard as some of them are to read, I know that those times defined me. I know that I grew as a Christian and a mother and a partner. Thank you for reading and being a part of that journey with me.

So, here's to three months and with God's will, many, many more to come. Someone recently asked me how long Michael and I have been together and I still answered, "Eight years." I left out the part though that the last three months have been the best yet. :)

A Couple Things...

Isn't this a neat picture? It was taken last month at Alex and Adam's wedding. She just got the professional pictures back and there were so many beautiful ones (although Alex, I still apologize for the church ones where my face is all weird looking! Lol). She was a gorgeous bride and it was such a fun wedding.

These past couple of days, I've been busy adding this new feature of labels to the blog. If you scroll down, it's in my sidebar, underneath the list of friends and family. Hopefully, it will help me stay organized and if you want to look for anything specific, just click on the label and it will (crossing fingers) pull up the post/idea/activity you're looking for.

And trust me, with over five hundred posts, it's taken a while.

I'm also not done yet. :)

But, it's been such an experience because I've had to go back into old posts in order to add the label(s). And while it's hard, painful and even a little uncomfortable to read some of my entries, it's really helped me reflect upon this past year. There have certainly been SO many ups and downs and heartache and tears, but I'm so thankful and so grateful to be where I am today. I know that all of those things happened for a reason and I know that, as a person, I couldn't have grown had I not endured those trials.

I also know that life can change in the blink of an eye, and so I try to enjoy and appreciate every single moment and smile and giggle.

And this summer, there have been lots of smiles and giggles.

I also can't tell you how much it means to me when friends tells us that we're in their prayers. For that, I'm so thankful, too.

Happy

Five years ago, Michael took me on the ferris wheel at Disney's California Adventure park and asked me to marry him. Tonight, he took me back and at the same point in the ride, he asked me the same question. Well, I guess this time around it was worded a little differently, but somehow it felt much, much bigger.

So much has happened and it's a big statement for me to say that I have no regrets. I know that we've both changed and grown and I thank God every morning, afternoon and evening for the opportunity, and blessings, He's given us.

Tomorrow we'll celebrate at Maddie's second birthday party. And, aside from the birth of that crazy kid, being by Mike's side, with us both wearing our rings, is the second best gift I could ever be given.

I am so, so sad...

Ugh. There are, really, very few possessions that I truly covet because in all honesty, nearly everything can be replaced if lost or damaged. Well, all except pictures. And that is exactly why I'm crushed.

Michael and I went away for an amazing three days and took an amazing load of pictures. There were pictures of our view, our room, our outings and each other.

And, they all turned out... Green.

We're not sure if it's the camera's fault or the memory card's problem, but the bottom line is that we only walked away with about 3 pictures. The rest look like they were dipped in neon green spray paint (which, as I was sobbing at the CVS counter, the photo professional tried to reassure me by telling me that she thought the effect was kinda cool).

Anyway, it was a great getaway. We relaxed, explored and went on a really, really long run. We ate a ton of food, drank maybe a few too many margaritas and just enjoyed the tantrum-free, sippy cup-less days and nights.

Of course, we missed Maddie like crazy (although, I'm fairly certain that she had WAY more fun with her Nana, aunties and Grandma than she ever does with either one of us).

Mike was able to salvage this one. It's from our hotel room, which had a full bay view where we could watch the boats sail past.

And sadly, this is the only other one. :( Although, it was a fun one because after dinner one night, we went to this bar at a super swanky hotel. It was on the roof (I think it was the 23rd "floor") and overlooked the baseball stadium. The team wasn't playing but it was such an awesome view.

Oh, and in other news, I'll announce the giveaway winners tomorrow. Since I have so many Hylands products, I've decided to do multiple winners. Exciting, huh? So, check back in tomorrow for the results.

An Enormous Post (to catch up for my serious lack of posting)

It's been a while since I've really posted posted. I apologize. I have a ton of pictures and could/should probably break this up into multiple posts. But... It's easier this way. Ha. :)

This weekend, we went to to a local arts festival with Grandma. There were instruments to play, crafts to make and snow cones to eat (well, the snow cone was technically all mine and I enjoyed it very much). She loved being up on the stage (even when all the children went to sit back down, Maddie insisted on staying up on the stage) but was terrified of the puppets. I'll have to get a video of her discussing the puppets...
Grandma even bought her this duck hat, which she had to sleep with last night.

Noah and Maddie have been hanging out and I thought this picture was too cute.

We also went to Disneyland last weekend and hung out with Mickey. Maddie was super excited to see him (and I was super excited that there was absolutely no wait to see him).

One of her favorite things to do is to walk through Mickey and Minnie's houses. It never gets old. Ever.

Oh, we also went to our friend Payton's second birthday party. Since I had Mason for the day, we piled all the kids into Emily's car and went together. All three of them spent the majority of the way singing, shouting and generally irritating each other.

Maddie wasn't in the best mood at the birthday party, even though nearly all her friends were there. At least Lilly was happy. :)

And, in grown-up birthday party news, we also celebrated Heather's 30th birthday recently too. It was a super fun night, and also marked the first time I've ever hung out at a cowboy bar. I didn't necessarily line dance, but I enjoyed hanging out with Brandi and watching Heather get her groove on.

Oh... You're probably a little confused. Sorry. Just say a prayer for our family as we embark on yet another new journey together.

Not a lot to say...

I'm in an incredibly bad mood, but wanted to post an update since so many of you have been absolutely wonderful to ask how things went. The truth is that things didn't really, well... go any where.

Mike did not show up to the mandatory mediation appointment.

It's been a frustrating day, to say the least. Although, there have been some really bright spots and I'm focusing on those. Throughout the entire morning, I was never alone, a point for which I'm very grateful for. Also, it seems as though this has spurred Mike to want the divorce to be over with more quickly, so hopefully we'll be able to settle issues of finances with greater speed.

Anyway, thank you so much for dropping me an email or calling me or just keeping us in your thoughts and prayers. Those promised pictures are coming soon. :)

Tomorrow

I've had a lot on my mind lately, hence the lack of blogging. I do have a lot of pictures and updates, so I'll have to get on that soon.

Tomorrow is our mediation appointment down at the courthouse. I've been dreading it; I'm nervous and I have no idea what to expect. In many ways, I so desperately want it to be over with already. Not only do I hate paying for parking down at the courthouse, I have this horribly anxious feeling about sitting in a room with Mike and a mediator. I keep wondering how we got here and what went wrong... I keep thinking of us on our wedding day. Who would've guessed it'd be ending in a court room just three years later?

But, then I think that if this is the way that it is to be, then let it come and go. Let us cross this off the list of things to do. I pray that I get through it with strength and grace and peace.

Keep us in your thoughts tomorrow and I promise to post a ton of pictures very, very soon.