{To Be Held}

Those of you that know me (or that read this blog, so basically... everyone) is aware of how ready I am, and have been, to wrap this year up. I feel like I've gotten through these last few weeks by hitting my chin to my chest and just forging ahead, praying for a bright 2010 (by the way, there's a debate: Do you, or will you, say "Two thousand ten" or "Twenty ten"? Just wondering).

Anyway, it's been a rough year. It's been rough for us over here, but I know that it's also been rough for a lot of our friends and family members, too (maybe for some of the same reasons, maybe for different reasons). I can't totally remember where I heard this song, but I heard it recently and it immediately touched me. I'm hoping that maybe it'll speak to you, too. Do you ever hear a song, one where you might not even catch all the lyrics the first time, but something about it just speaks to you? For me, this was one of those songs.

The song is by Natalie Grant and is called "Held." It's on i-Tunes and it's definitely worth listening to (Okay, I've got it playing here on the blog but I realize it's terrible quality; I'm sure Mike will hear it and fiddle with it until it sounds better! Ha!). Anyway, I've listened to it over and over again now.

It's a song about being held, even when the world seems to be crashing around you, and how He is always holding you (but now wait, even if you're not religious, don't let me lose you because the message is one of great passion and hope). After poking around the internet for a while, I came to find out that it was actually written by Natalie Grant's neighbor, after having lost her infant son in his sleep. It's about the promise we live by and how it's often that promise that carries us through the storms.

I guess it just hits me on so many levels, but the chorus is what instantly touched me:

This is what it means to be held

How it feels, when the sacred is torn from your life

And you survive.

This is what it means to be loved and to know

That the promise was that when everything fell

We'd be held.

I do feel like many of life's sacred things were torn from life this year. Sacred vows teetered uneasily, so dangerously prepared to break. A strong, sweet heartbeat, so loved and adored, suddenly stopped beating, without any notice. At many points throughout the year, I felt like things were just... falling.

And yet, we survived. I survived.

I wrote a few posts back about my journey of learning that things don't always go the way we want. But really, this song says it so much more eloquently (not surprising!). God's promise is not that we'll get everything we pray for. He doesn't promise that we'll live a life free of heartache and sorrow. There will be pain and there will be struggles. The sacred could be torn from your life.

But what He does promise is that He'll hold us through those times. When I look back on my year, the most overwhelming feeling I have (and I know I wrote about it) was that I was never alone.

I was held.

Again and again, time after time, I was held. Through each and every situation that broke my heart, I was held. But it was through those times of sheer grief and brokenness that I truly felt held and I truly felt safe.

And so here's what I pray and hope for, for you and me and friends and family. I pray that no matter what this new year brings (or any new year, for that matter), that we're held. Good things will happen to good people and bad things will happen to good people. I pray, of course, that this new year is filled with good things. I am utterly brought to my knees when I think of the good things that did come from this year and I hope that 2010 (however you want to say it) will bring even more.

I don't think I said any of this all that eloquently (I should hire a song-writer, huh? Just listen to the song from start to finish.) but here's what I mean: Happy, happy new year and may you be blessed with the feeling, and the knowledge, that you are always being held.

Bring it on 2010!