Play-Doh and Mickey

We've been "playing" with Play-Doh for months, but that's really just consisted of her prying the lids off with her teeth and then moving on. Although, I got it out a few days ago and she actually played. She likes to say the word "squeeze," which comes out sounding like, "Skeeeeze!"

Her fabulous masterpieces. :) She worked so hard, pushing these appetizer picks into the Play-Doh. I'm not entirely sure why, but she seemed very content.

These are THE coolest paint chip samples ever, huh?? I picked them up at Home Depot and Maddie LOVES them. We've used them for matching games, but I'd like to go get some more so that we could work on patterning, too.

And, speaking of Mickey, Maddie had SUCH a fun night last night. Uncle TT came over, packed her up and took her to Disneyland for the evening! My heart aches with how much I love and appreciate Tommy, and Maddie just adores him. They had so much fun and she was SO excited that he was still here this morning!

Fun at Nana's

Tonight, Nana, Annie and Megan took care of Maddie so that I could go out to dinner. I truly, truly appreciate it and I always know that Maddie will have wonderful time. I love you!

Annie and Megan built a HUGE pillow castle for Maddie. Apparently, they all had a very fun time. :)

Lilly and Maddie have definitely become buddies (a friendship that is made stronger by the frequent trail of food that Maddie drops).

Golf Tee Fun

This was a BIG hit. I bought this styrofoam-like block at the dollar store (I think it's used for flower arranging?) and Poppa donated some golf tees. Maddie was totally engrossed in pushing the tees through the block. I made some holes and then she had to stick the tee through the hole (she did really well!). Since it got so much action, chunks of the block started falling off. I also have a cube of styrofoam which works, but is definitely not as soft. I'm hoping Brandie can loan us a play hammer and Maddie can practice hammering them into the cube.

Girl's Night In

What a wonderful night, spent with wonderful friends! Due to lack of a baby-sitter, I've been missing out on Mom's Night Out events for the past couple of months. We decided that I'd have a Mom's Night In at my place and it was definitely a success. We ate pizza and appetizers, drank wine and (sorta) watched movies. I love you girls!

A group shot of some of us... I need to stop my texting obsessions, huh?

Kick Joshua, kick!! :)

Jennifer, Brandie and I... Such fun!

Art Class: Marble Painting

What a fun day! We had a group of our friends over for a morning of marble painting. The kids put marbles in cups of paint and then rolled the paint-covered marble around on paper.

They worked SO hard and made some masterpieces. The marble rolling DID eventually turn into finger painting though...

Wow, look at those hands!! Mommy's OCD is really being tested... :)

Thanks to our friends that joined us. Next month, we'll be doing paint on canvases!

Baby's Big Bath

Part of the Montessori school of thought includes activities that are centered around practical life learning. We had a lull in the day today and I decided to introduce Maddie to bathing her baby doll. She LOVES getting up on her stool and brushing her teeth, so I figured she'd take right to this.

She really liked getting the washcloth wet (and covered in soap, which means we now have a greasy, slippery baby doll; thank goodness for dollar store dolls!) and cleaning the baby. She was really careful to wash the baby's head and fingers.

So, we finished up the baby's bath (after, oh, five million washes) and wrapped her in a towel. I asked Maddie where we should put her and she said, "Mama!" Translated, that means that she wanted to give the baby a bottle of milk. :) She ran to her play kitchen (during which, the baby fell head-first out of the towel, but was quickly retrieved by a panicked Maddie) and grabbed a bottle to feed her.

Then, we decided that it was time for baby's bed. I found a basket to convert into a crib. Maddie pulled a blanket from her crib and put the baby to bed. Rest assured that I never lay Maddie down for the night and put the blanket on her head. Lol.
And finally, my fatal mistake... The baby, according to Maddie woke up (or, as she says, "uh-ake!") and I told her that maybe the baby needed a little more milk. Well, just the mention of the word "milk" sent her into a tailspin that SHE needed milk and she needed it now. :) End of our practical life play.

This was definitely a lot of fun and I'm going to keep the basket of soap, washcloths and towels out on the bathroom counter for her to do when she wants.

We made it!

So, this is certainly some late-night (or, early morning?) blogging, but I felt compelled to write (plus, I'm really into a book right now and couldn't sleep). This has been, without a doubt, the most difficult weekend of my life. Most of you know where my husband took his "friend" for the weekend and the great emotion that it brought me. I didn't know how we'd get through it. However, it literally just hit me that we did and that we're okay. I'm so very thankful to God that such amazing friends and family wrapped us up in love and supported us each moment of each day.

It's weird the things I think about and worry about, in concern to any damage this situation will have on Maddie. Obviously, I worry that she won't have that constant father-figure around, but I also worry that she won't know love. I know, maybe it's silly, but I grew up in a household so filled with love. I have to feel like she's already missing out. I've spent a good amount of time worrying about it, until I started sifting through last week's pictures on my camera. I guess I don't need to worry, since I see an affectionate, loving little girl in each shot.

Maddie and Mason truly are like brother and sister. They fight and argue and chase each other down for stolen sippy cups, but they absolutely love each other. Even when they're fighting, they must be right next to one another the following second.

And of course, these two love birds are hard to separate. Should we start planning the wedding, Jen? It'd have to be Word World-themed, huh? Lol.

Maddie got to meet baby Logan for the first time and fell in love. She kept saying, "Baby! Baby!"

We baby-sat Tristan and Kadin and there were all sorts of good-night hugs and kisses. :)

Still, I worry, but then again, that's part of who I am. Today, I'm just so thankful for the support and courage and strength that we were blessed with this weekend. Thank you for all who called, stopped by, emailed or hung out. I owe so many of you that it worries me that I'll never be able to repay each one (see, again with the worrying!).

Thanks to TT and Morning Activities

First off, I have to thank Uncle TT for being so wonderful. Last night, he watched Maddie (which included changing a poopy diaper AND putting her to bed!!) so that I could go out to dinner and a movie. Maddie just adores him and looked all through the house for him this morning. I keep asking her if she had fun making pillow forts or playing with dolls or getting horsey rides and she says, "Yeah, yeah, yeah!" We love you Tommy.

Second, I wanted to share some things Maddie has been up to. I rearranged my office so that one half is set up with her Montessori-inspired materials. She LOVES going in there and doing activities. When Mason is with us in the mornings, it's super cute that they both sit on the rug and do things together. Today, she sat and chose a bunch of different things to do. Here are pics of some of the things she chose:

This is still one of her favorite things. She's learned that if she shakes it, the toothpicks will come out, which saves the stress of getting the lid off. She did it about four times.

She loves playing with her letters. She sits and takes them out, one by one, and then we flip through the book to match them. I kept trying to trick her today, to see if she really knew the letters, but she wouldn't be fooled. She'd hold a letter and I'd flip to the wrong page, asking her if that was the right one. She'd get this mildly annoyed look on her face and say, "No." :)

Then, she'd match the letter on the correct page. She insists that a "Q" is an "O." We got into quite the debate about it today.

Me: What letter is that?

Maddie: O!
Me: No, actually that's a Q. See, there's a line.
Maddie: No, no, no! O! Oooooooo!!

First, take a moment to smell the plastic flower. She'll smell it say, "Mmmm!"

Then, sort! She's gotten super picky about each flower being in its own cube. We used to group by colors but she flips out if there's more than one flower per section.

It was a fun morning and it's always fun to watch her concentrate, make decisions and problem solve.

Something a little lighter :)

I used these glass pebbles to make a farm animal matching game. I put stickers on the flat side, sealed with them with Mod Podge and they were ready to go. She was definitely thrilled by the tiny pieces and how "moot" they were (that's "smooth" in Maddie-speak).

She was super excited to search for the matching animal. It was a fun little game.

I wanted to show you her new Valentine's Day headband, but she wasn't really having it. First of all, I was trying to compete with Go, Diego, Go and secondly, she kept ripping the thing off. I'll keep trying. :)

My Stance

I'm sharing this because it's where I'm at and because, as my family and friends, I want you to know. You are walking this journey with us and it's only right for you to know where I stand. Mike is my husband and yes, he's done things that tell my head to end this marriage and "move on." However, my heart and my faith are telling me something else and it is that that I'm listening to. I want you to know that I stand for my marriage. In a culture rampant with cheating and lies and affairs, I'm taking the road of forgiveness and mercy. I don't know if it'll be accepted by the person who needs it; there is a great probability that it will be denied. However, it needs to be said, no matter how unpopular that decision lands me with the ones who love me. I know that you see me in pain, but know that I'm doing the best that I can do. I have to know that I have tried and I have to know that I gave us a chance. I will continue to fight for the man I married and will continue to honor the vows I made before God and so many of you. I will fight for the life that my daughter deserves and I will do so until it is made clear to my heart that the struggle must end. In recent weeks, there have been far too many events and people that have appeared to me and I'm listening to those things because I know they mean something. I ask that you keep us in your thoughts and prayers. I feel very broken right now, but I firmly believe that we will get through this and come out as better people.

And every time this little girl smiles at me, I'm reassured that there is a purpose in this life.

A Book Club Event

Today was our monthly book club meeting (at our house) and I've never felt such friendship surround me. I was, without a doubt, having one of the worst days of my life and these special friends were definitely sent to support me and hug me and reassure me. I'll admit that we hardly talked about the book, but having people around me at a dark hour was something I'll always remember. Girls, I can't thank you enough, but know that your presence in my house today fills my heart with joy.

We have a couple kiddos missing from this picture, but it was my bright idea to attempt a group shot. It failed. Lol.

Jonathan had to sneak in one last kiss before leaving. :) He's a keeper.

Tonight it hurts...

I'm sharing this story because it is heavy on my heart tonight and because truly, this blog is a journal of our lives. Tonight, Maddie went to dinner with Mike. After dropping her off at home, she spent the next hour asking for him and looking for him. She'd throw her arms in the air, look at me and say, "Dada? Dada?" It's just not right. It's not right that at 18 months of age, she has to be told that her daddy doesn't live with us. It's not right that she doesn't see her father everyday and that when she does see him, there's a beginning and an end to the visit.

I spent the evening playing in her kitchen with her, explaining that she'd see him next week (since he's going to Mexico this weekend?). I loved on her and snuggled with her and answered her questioning glances when she heard random noises in the house, thinking that that was her dad.

I'm angry and frustrated and sad tonight. It weighs heavily on me that by one and a half years of age, she's already feeling such loss and confusion. It angers me that he's made these choices and it angers me even more that he doesn't want to see his baby everyday. I can't wrap my mind around only seeing Maddie once every few days. I just can't.

We need your prayers tonight. I put a little girl to bed who, after kissing me good-night, once again asked for her dada.

8 Weeks

I realized today that it's been a little over eight weeks since our trio became a duo. In some ways, it seems as though it's been months and months since we lived as a family and in other ways, I can't believe Christmas and New Year's have already come and gone. It's definitely been a rocky journey and will, most likely, continue to be filled with bumps and tears. But, my friend Andrea shared a really special book with me and it's helping me get through this with faith and prayer. I so, so appreciate all the kindness and love that you, my friends and family, have shown Maddie and me. From emails to cards to calls to comments here on the blog, it all means more to me than I could ever express.

I don't know where we'll be eight weeks from today. I wish I did, but I don't and I'm learning to accept that I'm really not in control of this situation. I do know that Maddie and I are safe and together and, in many ways, we're even happy. There are reminders everywhere of our life when we were all together and those, admittedly, are extremely hard to deal with. Pictures and places bring back memories of togetherness that still sting my eyes and hurt my heart. But, we try and focus on all the amazing things that we have, such as a wonderful home, a support system, a calendar full of fun and friends, and Go Diego Go (okay, that last one is Maddie's but we're both extremely grateful for the 30 minutes of happiness it brings).

So all in all, we're doing well. We're hanging in and making new family memories and learning and growing each day. I think Maddie might be starting to say two word sentences and her vocabulary is just exploding. She now has all her teeth and is slowly showing progess in coloring on paper, and not the wall. :)She's definitely my little burst of sunshine. :)

Maddie the Illustrator

Maddie woke up today and had a total meltdown because Mason wasn't here yet. So, we decided to make a color book, using one of her bare books. I wrote the color on the page and then she used that color marker to draw. Yes, she was covered in marker by the end of it (this is why I love Color Wonder!) and yes, I quickly put a bow in her hair after seeing this picture. Poor girl probably couldn't see what she had been drawing! Lol.

And, our published work! To be honest, she wasn't overly excited about the finished product, since it meant the end our marker time. :) But, I think it will be a fun book to look through together (and maybe, we'll add Dot Art or color stickers to it, too).

Dot Game

Sometimes Blogger irritates me so much and right now, it won't let me flip this picture. Grrr. Anyway, I showed Maddie a new game today. I made this gameboard with colored dots (and of course, because I can't help myself, laminated it) and gave her a bag of sparkly pom-poms. Her job is to match the correct pom-pom on the dot sticker. At first, she was distracted and wasn't acting all that interested. We got it out later and we turned it into a game of taking turns (definitely an interesting concept to play out with an 18 month old) and it was a lot of fun. We played on the easier side of the gameboard, but the back has a LOT more dot stickers. I highly recommend this one!

Disney Day

Today, we met up with friends for a day at Disneyland. Annie and Megan joined us, and Maddie had a blast.

Maddie rode the carousel a total of three times today. Yes, three times and it was STILL hard to leave it behind us.

Look at these big kids walking together!! I'd say that today, Maddie and Mason were definitely more interested in walking around, rather than going on rides.

After a fun, long day, Maddie finally gave in and fell asleep in her stroller. Little love bug. :)

Telling the Truth 101

Today, Maddie and I had our first "discussion" about being honest. Naturally, I've always wanted to raise her to be an honorable and honest human being, but in light of recent events, I'm even more bound and determined to make sure she learns to tell the truth. I've been thinking a lot about it, and this morning, a "teachable moment" occured...

Setting: We're sitting at Maddie's small table doing Dot Art. She suddenly drops the blue paint on my beige carpet.

Maddie (eyes real big): Uuuuuh-ohhhhhh.
Me: Yeah, big 'uh-oh.' You dropped the paint on the floor.
Maddie (shakes head): No.
Me: Yes Maddie, you did and you have to be honest.
Maddie: No.
Me: You didn't? Who dropped it then?
Maddie (thinking hard): Eehh-mo.
Me: Elmo didn't drop it. Maddie did and you have to be honest and tell the truth.
Maddie: No, no, no. Eehmo.

Clearly, we'll be revisiting this little life lesson later on (probably when she points to the blue paint stain on the carpet). I think we're off to a marvelous start, though. :)

Sunday Morning Excitement

What a FUN morning! We met up with our friends, Brandie, Ryan and Mason for some yummy breakfast (where Maddie actually ate more than she spit! Yay!). Then, we headed to the tot lot park for some slides, swings and running around.

My little sweetie.

I'm hoping that Mason improves his driving skills by the time he picks her up for the prom. :)

They loved going down the slide (mostly on their tummies) over and over and over again.

A Fun Saturday

I bought some small canvases at the dollar store (I got three for a $1!) and had Maddie use her dot painters on the first one yesterday. She loved working on the "wall." For some reason, anything that isn't standard size paper is considered "wall" to her. Anyway, I also picked up some stands at the dollar store, so now Poppa has new artwork to display in his office! We'll have to make it a monthly thing and change out the masterpieces.

Maddie and Owen had their little art class this morning. They made these friendship flower pots (which is now sitting by my sink, making me smile as I wash dishes). They weren't overly interested in following through with the project, but Maddie liked decorating the little people.

Wow, a window into the future of my life with Miss Sass, huh? LOL. Clearly, she was sick of my picture-taking. Whatever. I had to show off my handiwork of pigtails. Every time she sees me break out the hair brush, she curls up into the fetal position and screams, "Owww!" This is only funny because I am SO gentle and move SO quickly. Anyway, I was able to do her hair while she was curled up on the bathroom floor this morning. :)

So, I had a hard/long/tiring/mentally exhausting day. I have good days and bad days and today was definitely one of those 'I-want-to-curl-up-into-my-bed-and-wake-up-from-this-nightmare' kind of day. Thank God for friends though. Jennifer, Laura and Heather came over (and they brought wine!!) and we had such a great time, just hanging out, chatting and gossiping. :) Thanks girls for lifting my spirits and making it a really fun night!

Number Stickers

I bought these window decals at the dollar store yesterday and put them up during her nap. She was super excited to see them and stood there and "counted." It sounded like this: "Ooooh, doooo, teeee." :)

On another note, I was very proud of myself yesterday. I made a list (oh, how I love lists) of all the things that needed to be done around the house, from washing the windows to paying bills. I set to work and got everything done. Yay for me! It felt good to know that I can do the "dirty work," even if I don't like sweeping the backyard. :)

A Shout-Out to Nana

Every night at bedtime, Maddie and I say our prayers. I always tick off people we pray for and she listens and smiles and ends with "Meh-men." Well tonight, we finished and she said "Amen" and then she sat straight up, throwing her arms in the air. I was super startled and asked her what was wrong. She said/screamed, in all seriousness, "Nana! Nana!" I hardly think we forgot her in our prayers, but maybe Nana was on her mind and she felt compelled to shout her name in my face. :) We added another prayer for Nana, I laid her down and she fell right asleep.

I know that my parents are really suffering throughout this whole ordeal. In many ways, it's like they've lost a family member and my heart breaks for the sadness they're feeling. Someone that they loved so deeply is suddenly so gone and I wish so badly that I could ease their sadness. Mom and Dad, know that Maddie and I love you and are (and always be) eternally grateful for the love and support and friendship you surround us in.

The Men in Maddie's Life :)

Maddie had a really, really fun week. She has gotten to play with Mason everyday, as well as a super fun playdate with Jonathan. Lilly has also been here, and I'll have to get some of the cute pictures Monick has taken of the girls playing.

It really, really seems like Maddie does something brand new everyday. I'm fairly certain that today she said, "Bowl please." Okay, it actually sounded like, "bo peez," but that counts in my book. And, tonight we grabbed a snack at Target and she sat on one of the tall stools, chatting and munching away. She seems so old. Plus, she's actually started playing with her friends. They run and giggle and steal toys (the basis of any good friendship). :) She goes down for naps like a pro (I finally put my foot down on the whole 'I'll-drive-till-you-fall-asleep' thing) and snuggles with me every night before bed. I'm not sure, but did you know that I really love this girl? :)

We make sure to take snack breaks about every 20 minutes. :) Nothing like sharing a can of Crunchies with a friend.

Yesterday, I decided to break out the nine bazillion sheets of stickers I have (no joke, I have packs that I never even opened when I was teaching!) and let the kids go wild. Maddie lost interest after about 2.3 seconds, but Jonathan stuck with it and made some cool pictures!

We had SO much fun painting with yogurt today! I took some plain yogurt, added food coloring and provided brushes and sponges. Clearly, Mason was more interested in eating it and Maddie was fascinated with stirring and mixing colors.

"Be still, Jill."

Today, a very dear friend of mine spoke these words to me: "Be still, Jill." I nodded and then sort of shrugged it off. I mean, I probably wouldn't be classically categorized as someone who is "still." I'm the person for which the sentiment, "sleep when the baby sleeps" never applied. Really, who wouldn't want to use those precious moments of baby sleep to shower, catch up on emails and reorganize one's silverware drawer in a new, more efficient way? :) I'm the girl that puts Maddie down at night and then runs around the house, classifying and categorizing her toys back in the appropriately labeled baskets and bins and making sure the spines of her books are all facing out (okay, now I'm sounding crazy, but those that know me will understand... I hope).

Anyway, I was desperately trying to get Maddie ready for her bath tonight and she was insisting on figuring out the way this light thingy works. I was sweetly asking her (alright, commanding her, pleading with her... it was getting late) to "be still" while I wiggled her out of her jeans. It hit me that maybe I should try being still and just see what would happen. Here's what happened:

She focused SO hard on the tiny silver button and finally figured out that holding it down would keep the lights spinning and blinking. She was ridiculously proud of herself and I was happy that she'd succeeded (and that she finally went peacefully into the bathtub).

I guess maybe I should try being still once in a while. Maybe I need to act a little more like Maddie (minus the screaming fit in the middle of Vons when the bananas are too green to eat right there in the shopping cart). Let the world stop, for just a moment, and think. Maybe I need to take some moments in my day and just, well, be still, listening more to my thoughts and not anxiously trying to plan out the next 60 years of my life. I tell Maddie to be still all day, from when I brush her hair to when I change her diaper. I'm going to try and listen to my own words, and the words of a friend. :) Be still.

PS: Allison, why didn't we take any pictures of the girls today?!?